Chapter Eight.

“You’ve crossed every line; worn out your stay,

This is the last chapter of our fading days”
--Amber Pacific

My first instinct, unfortunately, had been correct. He wasn’t coming back. You can’t force someone to love you the way they used to. You can’t force someone to love you at all. Oh, but I wished I could. Julian was such a special boy. There was no one like him and there never would be.

I didn’t really know what to do with myself after that. In school we didn’t talk. We barely even looked at each other and all I wanted to do was to run up to him and beg him to talk to me. But I knew that I couldn’t. As the winter winds departed, they blew out any flame left in our relationship. Our love turned into cold hard hatred and I began to feel so weak.

But there was nothing I could do. My self esteem plunged into the floor, driving itself so hard into the earth I thought I would never recover. So I emerged myself into concerts and rock shows in an attempt to keep my mind off of the things that could break my heart all over again. Nothing seemed to help. Until I met him.

It was dark in the venue and most were barely visible. I’m not sure how he even noticed me. But as he asked for my number I felt important. There was a mysterious aire about him that pulled me into his grasp as his words bound me to his every move.

“Hey,” his dark eyes held a vague familiarity.

“What’s up?” I was new to this. I had never met many people at shows, without being introduced.

“Not much, not much. You’re by yourself?”

I couldn’t understand where he came from or why he gave a shit at all. Of course, I wasn’t angry about it. His presence made me feel excited. It unsettled my stomach a bit. I didn’t realize then… that he would always make me sick.

“Me? Uh, no. My friend brought me along. That one, over there.” I pointed over to Lauren, a short blonde girl filled with teenage angst and hardly any words of wisdom. She was well known for being on edge with a sense of humor that I don’t think anyone would ever understand. When Julian and I began to have our problems, she helped a lot. Pulling me up, as high as she could pull this body of mine, and giving me a place to fit myself into.

“Oh, you know Lauren? That girl hates me,”

“That doesn’t mean much.” He smiled. Lauren had more enemies than friends, but I was happy to be under her wing. Hearing her threaten the lives of kids if they messed with me was a new experience, but left me feeling safe nonetheless.

“We should be friends…” As his arms surrounded me I felt a sensation of love that I hadn’t felt for a long time. His words felt genuine. But instincts don’t mean a thing. I know that now, anyway.

I hugged him back and laughed. “Definitely!” I wasn’t sure what to make of the whole situation. Of course in this scene, this was how people became friends: random conversations at the strangest times over the largest variety of things.

“Well then let me take your number and I’ll text you,” he took my phone and programmed his number in with ease. As if he had gone through this same conversation thousands of times with thousands of different people. I should have known he had. “There.” He handed back my phone and the bright white letters of his name enchanted me.

“Nice to meet you, Nate. I’m Libby.” He looked up at me.

“Libby. That’s a beautiful name.” As my name spilled from his lips, all I wanted to do was hear it over and over again. “Now call me, I’ll have your number and then I’ll text you later!” I did exactly as he said because I felt like it could go somewhere. Maybe he could be all I needed to pull me together again.

I laughed as he answered my phone call. It wasn’t funny at all, I was just nervous I guess. He always made me so nervous. His eyes reached mine with a sharp stare and poked at me, mocking me with the strange feeling that I had seen him before.

“You look so familiar. I can’t think of where I’ve seen you but I feel like I have.” He took this comment as if it were just another handshake or hello on the street.

“I’m at a lot of these shows. You’ve probably seen me looking at how pretty you are.” Oh, come on. It felt so good to hear that. Parts of me thought I was pretty at times. But there were other parts of me that wrote the word “ugly” on my forehead.

“You say this shit to everyone?” Nothing seemed to phase him. He had heard it all and said it all. For some reason his meaningless sweet talk, meant so much to me.

He laughed for the first time, “Of course not!” My foolish sense believed every word of it. “But I have to go. Text you later!”

He walked away and left me standing there alone. I only watched his back for a moment before a light went on, moving my attention elsewhere. Lauren appeared by my side with a smirk on her face. Her head just about reached my shoulder and her height mixed with her black shirt and dark jeans just about made her invisible.

“I saw you talking to Nate,” She seemed uneasy, if that was possible for her. “Stay away from him, he’s bad news.”

“I sort of got that feeling. But he’s a nice guy…” I glanced around the room, looking for him.
Lauren grabbed my shoulder and nodded her head in his direction. She pointed to the girl next to him, “You see that girl? That’s Ariel. They’ve been dating for about two months now and she still hasn’t realized what a dirt bag he is. You saw how easily he took your number.” I couldn’t believe her though. Something about him, his laid back style, kept me thinking otherwise.

“I guess so. I don’t know…he seems harmless.” I watched as he began to kiss her. For some reason, I wished it was me. I turned away. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Obviously, I would leave him alone. Cheating isn’t okay with me. If you’re going to be with someone, be with them. If you really can’t be with just them, then you shouldn’t let them be with just you.

“Whatever you say, Libby” she was overly sarcastic with every breath she took. At times it became unbearable, but I dealt with it.

I pulled out my phone to check the time and saw that I had a text message waiting from him. It read: “Hi =]”. But I ignored it and just checked the clock. I didn’t have time to be messed around with and I thought if I was going to leave him alone, I should just start now.