Chapter One.

“They say quitters never win, and we walk the plank on a sinking ship. There’s a world outside of my front door that gets off on being down.”
-- Fall Out Boy

His foot slammed on the break at the sight of the light changing to red. As if he didn’t realize that yellow meant slow down. "Slow down, slow down..." I kept whispering to myself, thinking maybe he’d understand. Wishing he’d just turn off the car and tell me he’s sorry. Or even just tell me that he still cares.

“Fuck it! Just fuck everything!” he screamed into the windshield. But the only one that could hear him was me.

I could see him slowly breaking down; the sadness in his eyes was too much for me to watch. I couldn’t stand to disappoint him like I do. I don’t mean to. Every tear that rolled off my cheek, was just another second gone by. It turned into a way to keep track of time, knowing this would all be over soon.

I knew he was waiting for me to fight him, for me to burst out and say something that would send him over the edge. Waiting for it, as if it was an angry routine we’d go through. In a way, it was. Because everything that has happened tonight, we’ve gone through a million times before.

Tonight will be the last time I can stomach this pain. I am my own demon. I ruined a lot for myself, but I guess that’s obvious. He was all I had. I sacrificed so much for one boy, and for what? A mere heartbreak, a week filled with lonely nights crying to the ceiling.

The biggest mistake I always make, is to go into a relationship thinking about the break up. Just knowing that it will end. I guess that’s my way of telling myself that he’s not the right one. I don’t really know what it’ll feel like when it is the right boy, but I’m sure it’ll be a hell of a lot better than this.

The rain over powered my thoughts, pulling me back into reality. I looked over at Jason, and then back out the window. I wasn’t sure where we were, but there was a vague familiar feeling that it gave me. Jason’s eyes were sparkling; I had never seen him cry before.

As he pulled over the car, I began to feel immune to my sadness. Like it was no big deal and it wasn’t, I guess.

“Jason, I didn't mean to.” I could feel myself whispering into his ear. Funny thing is, I don’t even know what I did this time. I put my head on his shoulder. I was waiting for him to put his arm around me, like he always does. To tell me that everything is okay, because it is and it will be. But he didn’t budge.

“You never mean to do anything.” He rested his forehead against the steering wheel. We sat in silence, but I was thinking of something to say.

“…Libby, I cared about you. But I don’t know what to do anymore! You and I, we both know it’s time to let go. This is all so old. These fights…everything.” He was referring to our year long, on and off, relationship.

“Yeah.” I had a hard time trying not to break down.

“I don’t know how else to tell it.”

“What do you want me to say? I knew this was coming? It’s all my fault? I’m sorry?”

“It’s not your fault. I don’t know.” He remained speechless, but his eyes told me otherwise.
I was one with the rain, and the rain was one with me. We danced together gracefully, and there was no one but us. It calmed me a little, knowing that I wasn’t the only one crying that night.
I lifted my head up off of Jason’s shoulder. There’s something about him. The way he speaks, he could make you believe anything. He knew it too. He used it in such a way, that he could persuade anyone to do anything he wanted them to.

A feeling of betrayal struck me out of nowhere. I don’t know where it came from, but suddenly it was all I felt. How could he leave me like this? Why do I always mess up? Why can’t he just tell me he’s joking already? I couldn’t help feeling like all I’d done was fail.

He looked down at me and then out at the street. His cheeks shimmered under the moonlight. I wanted to reach out for his hand to show him that I would always care, but I just couldn’t. Maybe if I had, it would have changed everything.

“I’d better get you home.” He spoke with such a stern voice that for a moment, I’d forgotten who he was.

He waited for me to say something back, but I wasn’t focused enough to get my words together. I pressed my cheek to the glass. My breath was hitting the window, and then dissipating. In and out, in and out, watching my breath was the only thing that reassured my existence. My heart sank to the floor.

The car pulled up in front of my house. I pulled myself together and took one last glance at what I used to call love. I stroked his cheek gently, and I looked straight into his eyes.

“I don’t feel a thing.” As the words left my lips, they scared even me.

I got up out of the car, and closed the door tightly. And as if my break up wasn’t cliché enough, I put my arms out and looked up into the sky. The rain welcomed me home.

((Chapter Two is on it's way.
share your hearts with everyone. love, sierra.))